A Character Building Two Years

I have been super duper stressed lately as I'm sure everybody has picked up on {no blog posts, and when I do post it's all negative and rushed and not-so-spectacular}. Last night I was in bed and couldn't help but analyze my stress. 

Of course there are the inevitables - 2 babies that are just 12 months apart & a food company that I'm barely holding onto, just trying my best to keep going despite the fact that I don't want a full-time nanny - yeah, those things are enough stress for anybody to deal with. 

But started thinking about the past two years and the events that have occured. Not only did I birth two babies in these past two years but I attended 10 weddings 5 of which I was IN as a bridesmaid. 

2 of my best friends also had babies and another one just got engaged a few months back. I have thrown two engagement parties, two baby showers and one HUGE birthday party here at my home in addition to the many I have attended. 

I have planned three bachelor parties and attended all of them. One of them I actually flew to SF for and brought my 5 month old. I hired a sitter service, stayed in a hotel by myself with my son and went out on the town partying with the crew and then driving and staying in napa again with my baby still in tow. 

I have flown to Oregon by myself with my baby and pregnant self. Gone with Wes to NY {2xs}, Hawaii {2xs}, SF {4xs}, Avila Beach, LA {6xs}, Switzerland, Paris and Czech with my baby. Then to Mexico and Cabo alone without kids. 

And on a terrible note, one of my best friend's mom's died {of cancer} and then so did my other best friend's new husband {of random causes}. Then, not long after, my favorite grandma passed away.

That alone is more than I could barely handle. How does anybody handle death like that? 

Somewhere in between all of that chaos I have been appeasing my work, creating new flavors, meeting with investors, fixing up my house, planning holidays and throwing holiday parties, making my kids some-what healthy food, myself green smoothies and trying my best to keep a big smile on my face and my kids as happy as can be!!!

I'm EXHAUSTED. Tired. OVER IT! I want peace, good health, calm and just NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT OR DO. 

Do you think it's possible? Do you think I can actually STOP the madness and start the peace? I want to. 

OR MAYBE it's just life in your 30s. I mean my 20s were just so easy. So simple and fun and adventurous but at the same time there were times when I was actually BORED. Yes, bored. That word hasn't come out of my mouth in the past two years, that's for sure. 

Maybe now more and more people will be dying, births will be more common and of course so will marriages {and even divorces}! Weird how life can change so dramatically and so quickly. 

But either way, it's weird to think that only 2 years have passed and I have done ALL of that? Or maybe, again, I might just be crazy to think I could pull all that stuff off and do it well. No?

I mean, some of it was obviously fun. But more importantly some of it was just plain non-negotiable. I need to be there for my friends and family during time of death, birth and marriage. I think it just all happened at once which became the craziness. I need to be a good partner and mother and boss, too. Right? That's not really a negotiable thing either, for the most part. 

My kids alone are more than enough though.  I want to JUST be a mom for once. A good mom. I think that I am, but gosh, I could be so much better. Maybe it's not possible. Maybe it's my personality and I will never be able to just stop. Hmmmmm.  

Thanks for listening and understanding. Good night. This post is a tribute to ALL moms out there! It sure is tough sometimes. No? I think we all have these issues. I'm just the only one bitching about them. Ha. Go figure. You'd think I didn't have time?!!!!! Right? {yeah, forgot about my silly blog that I started, that didn't take anything off my plate, but it sure has helped me find happiness --- so thanks for listening}!