Mother's Day Musing!

How do I even start and where do I begin? This Mother's Day Weekend was like no other I have had or ever will have, I'm sure. 

It's been a long few days of reflection, family and a few tears. When I say family, I don't mean my kids. I've been up in the moutains, thousands of miles from my home in California. My aunt has lived on a large beautiful property {10 acres} with dogs, cats, goats, pigs, horses and ponies for years now. I can't quite explain the quiet, serene beauty that I see outside the window. It's almost magical. The shadows, grass, tall evergreen trees mixed in with bright flowers, hay, fences and a few deer here and there. Nothing like my usual view of the Pacific ocean. Both peaceful but so different. You really feel ALIVE when you're here!

But it hasn't all been peaceful and wonderful, to say the least. I've tried to stop and smell the roses literally and figuratively speaking, every so often, if you know what I mean. But, this week seems to be the end of a long slow journey for my aunt. It's not easy seeing such a wise, witty, funny, strong, SPIRITUAL, independent lady going through this. She is wiser and more "conscious" than anybody I know as well. Had you asked her years ago about death, she'd probably tell you EXACTLY what would happen to you when you pass. She was one of those intuitive people who rarely doubted her beliefs and thoughts.

I don't want to go into much more detail about the day to day here or her personal experience and journey but instead I wanted to share my reflections and thoughts about this life and thereafter.

I don't care what you say or how spiritual, religious or confident you are or think you are of the "other side"; being faced with this moment in our lives is the most intense things to ever witness. Let's be real. Death and the unknown is the craziest part of our existence here on Earth. It's the one thing we can't be in control of, we will never understand or know about until we actually come to that fork in the road. 

This somehow made me think deeply about my own life and that of my kids. I'm not sure why I got sad when I thought about them. I really don't know. But suddenly I had a rush of memories streaming through my mind. I remember really LIVING life when I was a kid. Not only was I completely present, as most kids in fact are, but I was truly ALIVE. At some point, I think it's when responsibility kicks in, we sort of "stop living"?! We are too focused on the past, the future and the responsibilites and stresses of life to be in the moment. I know, it sounds like I'm throwing out excuses for not being 100% present. But, if a mom stops to smell the roses, her child might get hit by a car. OK, that sounds pretty terrible, but I think you know what I'm getting at. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet, it's non-stop, there's not time to enjoy the scenery. We give up a lot of the LIFE inside of us and give LIFE it to the very babies we raise. 

Our babies are just beginning this process/journey and it sometimes takes your breath away to re-live those childhood experiences. I suddenly wanted to thank my kids for being my biggest life teacher. As much as they have taken from me, they have given back two-fold. I see their joy everyday and it reminds me how to LIVE again. I still think that being a child is almost the only way to really experience life. To be free again! To be STRESS free again! To be naive again! To be excited by the small things again! To not feel the need to self-medicate again! {ha}To be energized by daily experiences! To be passionate again!

I can't explain why this made me so choked up last night. But I had the sad realization that I'm no longer really on the upswing of life. If life is a bell curve, I'm at the top and slightly on the down hill. That realization is hard. So, that might sound depressing. There is a responsibility there that will never go away - aaah parenthood! For a mom, somehow the joys in life are all the things that our daily life isn't - like PEACE & QUIET, not having to say "no" non-stop, not having to listen to somebody cry or whine at you. Not worrying about dinner tonight! 

This Mother's Day is not about celebrating my hard work as a mom, but it's a day for me to celebrate my health and the fact that I am blessed to have two healthy boys who have a mommy to celebate each day of life with. A reminder for me to EXPERIENCE nature in a way we forgot how to as adults.

The joy of:

+ Sunshine on our faces.

+ A popsicle on a hot day. 

+ Being so tired that they can barely keep their eyes open. 

+ Swimming in the ocean all day even if your teeth are chattering. 

+ Feeding a pet or even just petting a dog. 

+ Watching a movie as though it's the first one you've ever seen.

+ The monkey bars at recess. 

+ Believing magic, mystery, ghosts and super heroes. 

+ A new friend. 

+ First kiss. 

+ Holding hands.  

+ Your mom's touch when your sick. 

+ A cool teacher. 

+ Winning a game. 

+ Playing sports. 

+ Staying outside playing until it gets dark. 

+ A home cooked meal. 

+ A boardgame. 

+ Riding a horse. 

Last night I relived so many of these moments and feelings in my mind and it was a strange feeling thinking about how it really doesn't seem that long ago in the scheme of things. And that at that age all I wanted was to be older. And here I am!???

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Get outside with your kids and relive their joy, even if for one day!

Also, watch this moving video about Where The Wild Things Are author, Sendak, talk about his journey in life {and death}. Very interesting!